I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
