my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
