Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
