I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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