This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
