Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
