Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
