Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
