You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
