Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
