Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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