i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
