You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
