I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
