I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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