Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
