I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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