eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
