lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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