somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
