I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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