I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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