Your mouth is God's brothel.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
