I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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