This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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