i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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