Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
