i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
