saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
