Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
