it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
