I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
