two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
