i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
