those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
