my mouth tastes like poor choices
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
