that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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