What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
