just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
