My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
