I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
