I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
