is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
