Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
