I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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