I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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