she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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