When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
