Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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