I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dick very happy bro
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
